- Sacrifice strengthens friendship.
- Facebook discourages sacrifice.
- Facebook weakens friendship.
Let me explain myself, since it should not have been an exclusive statement. Simply put, my observation, personally, has been that Facebook gives me the illusion that I have invested in my friends, by learning about them, yet without actually spending any time with them. What is it that makes a friendship? Knowing a lot about a person? Certainly thats what you gain through spending time with them. But is that all you gain? What else is it that you find in friendship? Something unquantifiable, something elusive, something greater than the sum of it's parts.
Facebook has mass-produced the conditions needed for mutual self-revelation. But it has succeeded so completely in allowing for self-revelation, that we miss the importance of it being mutual and what exactly mutual is, anyway.
That's not the half of it, but my Saturday is beckoning. Please freely disagree or agree in the comments.
6 comment(s):
The 'mutual self-revelation' allows - but of course does not mandate - opportunity for the intangibles to which you allude.
As an example: 1) I update my status to say I'm about to play soccer, 2) a friend sees this and decides to join me.
Like most technology, it's how you use it. Not inherently evil or good.
The lack of the self-revelation being mutual is a good point Justin. I hadn't put it that concisely yet, but I think you're right in that's it's an essential part of friendship. Not knowing to whom and when you're revealing yourself takes a significant chunk of the "personal" part out of it. It becomes a "broadcast of self" in a way.
I agree with Daniel that it is not inherently good or bad, but how you use it. I think to the degree that is replaces your time with your friends, it is not good. However, if you have a friendship with someone, it's a way to keep track, keep in touch with what's going on with them in between times spent. Even more so for those who live away from you. Seems like you don't have to spend as much time "catching up" with someone if you've been following them.
I've been thinking about this ever since you tweeted it/facebook status updated it, and not to just echo other thoughts already here, but I don't see inherently evil or good either way.
If it is all there is, I think it does give a false sense of friendship that's not really there. But if its a supplement to existing relationships, I think its beneficial.
As is always the case with me, I've been back and forth a lot over the definitions of sacrifice, friendship, and discourage. Without getting too lengthy, I will just say I think part of answer has to be based on how we define these terms. Because to me, the extent that which Facebook would discourage sacrifice as it relates to friendship would be no different than any other means of technological communication we have available to us, be it email, IM, Twitter, blogging, etc.
Thanks for the thought exercise.
FB has allowed me to connect with people that I have not seen or heard from in years. It has not (yet) replaced any of my pre-existing relationships; it is rekindling and strengthening other relationships.
And, this past weekend, I met, live and in person, with 8 guys I went to high school with. Four of them, I had not seen in 20 or more years.
In my case, it is a good thing.
Mileage varies...
Y'all are setting me on the straight and narrow!
I'm very much a listener. I do not contribute my fair share in conversations, and am often content to let my friends wax-lyrical. So this imbalance may be why I came to that conclusion about Facebook: much of what I get out of my friendships - information - is something I find on Facebook, and as a result it seems to slip into filling that role for me. But it's not ideal, because I am only half of the friendship, and the other person decidedly does NOT benefit from it in the same way, because I am not actually present to the person even though I may be listening to them.
Anyway, I suppose this is just a reminder to me to keep Facebook in a little box, and not give it more than it deserves. Only a tool to indirectly promote growth of the friendship.
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